Rapunzel Displaced, Daily Tribune

Daily Tribune
Sept 15, 2008

Parents in Anguish Over Missing Child
Authorities received a missing child report on Friday and now the parents are speaking out on this tragedy. The child was allegedly stolen soon after it was brought home from the hospital and has not been seen in 5 days. "We just hope that our child is safe and well taken care of," said the mother in a press statement yesterday, "She needs a mother at such a young age." And although the story is heartbreaking to hear, rumors have come out that the parents are not exempt as suspects in this case. Some have suggested that the parents knowingly gave up the baby, but cannot find where she was taken. They are now speaking out in hopes that the baby can be rescued.

Lasik Eye Surgery Revolutionized
A groundbreaking new study in Lasik Eye Surgery reveals that human tears are the most important aspect of healing. A new company, Imperial Lenses, is said to be producing vials of real human tears for patients to use as they heal from the surgery. It is not confirmed how these human tears are being extracted, although rumors report that a large shipment of Saving Private Ryan and Simon Birch were delivered at the Imperial Lenses plant.

Survival Tactics Confirmed
A local wilderness man is reported to have survived on only roots and berries for years. "I lived without weapons and ate what I could gather with my own two hands," says the rugged mountain man. Although a bit slim and seemingly without a spark of joy, the man is reported to be in good health.

Research Shows Cure For Morning Sickness
Campanula Rapunculus, a plant that is unknown in most of the United States has been found to be a healthy way for expectant mothers to cure morning sickness. This new research conducted by top researchers at Montana State University has been taken up by Gerbers and the baby food company is now developing a new line of products for mothers like smoothies and vitamins that contain the herb.

Guinness Book of World Records
Public relations employees from the Guinness Book of World Records announced a new record yesterday. A young German girl whose family name is Glockenblume is reported to have the longest hair in the world. Measuring 22 ft 6.4 inches, this record breaks the previous record set by Xie Qiuping, whose hair measured 18 ft 5.54 inches.